At first it is discouraging to see that I was "starting over" four years ago and have done nothing since! On the other hand, I don't give up. I struggle in life, but I don't give up. And isn't that what pressing forward is all about? Not giving up... Continuing the journey...
My home is still in upheaval, but I've had areas of personal growth and I'm still learning and growing. I refuse to give up. If God won't give up on me, I have no right to give up on myself.
Currently I am embracing mini habits and imperfectionism. (Thank you Stephen Guise.) More on that in (hopefully) later posts.
I just wanted to get started for now and not wait to write the "perfect first post for my reboot of my blog". (see there, I'm embracing imperfectionism)
Friday, February 28, 2020
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Baby Steps
Maybe I should give up keeping a blog, but I won’t.
There is something inside me that doesn’t want to give up. I am a fairly inconsistent person when it comes to being regular and disciplined in life. I have recently come to realize that I am most likely an ADD attention type adult. I came to this conclusion after having two of my children diagnosed and began reading through books to help adults that have ADD. (My children were diagnosed at about 20 and 18 years old.)
At any rate, the thing inside me that won’t let me give up on eventually having a house with some amount of order, or being able to follow a home school schedule with some regularity, eventually keeping to an exercise program and eating healthy more consistently, to name a few... that same thing won’t let me give up on my blogs either. Giving up on my blogs would be like giving up on writing. I just can’t do that.
I’m taking some baby steps to become more consistent in life. I recently asked two friends if they would help me and then hold me accountable for de-cluttering my home and then keeping it maintained. Through my own efforts and by keeping my family involved they will hold me accountable from week to week regarding what we have done and what I can work on in between visits. I had to swallow a large dose of humble pie to contact them and ask for help. I offered them to barter something so I could repay them in some way, but they don’t want anything from me. They have a heart for ministry and true sisters in Christ; they just want to help me. They have been enthusiastic and encouraging in their response. We had our first cleaning session last week and I have to say they kept me moving and kept me from retreating to something easier to rid myself of that a knot in my stomach. (Unfortunately, when it comes to procrastination I can be fairly consistent.) The knot was there for a bit, but I just kept working with them and taking direction from them. When they left we had accomplished so much in the few hours they were there. They are coming again later this week and I have been determined not to lost ground and have been keeping after the kids so that we don’t lose the progress we made last week.
I am making baby steps towards success in my home. I am making baby steps in diet and exercise. I have been keeping focused on school and with just one child to teach, have managed some amount of regularity in our school. I need to make baby steps in writing more often.
One of the things that keeps me from writing more regularly is fear of putting something on the World Wide Web that is grammatically imperfect. Although I love to write, editing my own work has never been a strong point for me. I’m not a strong editor in general, and it’s not uncommon to miss your own mistakes in a piece of writing. One of my baby steps towards writing more often is letting go of the fear of imperfection and allowing myself room to grow. The fear is kind of silly to begin with, it’s not as though I have hundreds or even dozens or even a dozen readers! Who is going to see the mistakes?? Although it would be nice to have a small following of support to feel accountable to, in the meantime I’ll pretend to have regular readers.
So, hopefully and God willing I’ll be posting more often, even if only once a month in the beginning.
Baby steps.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Learning How to Eat Out and Lose Weight One Mistake at a Time
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I am tired of eating out. Not because I haven't enjoyed the food, but its so HARD to stay within healthy parameters even when I try!
I've eaten out at restaurants for dinner three of the past four nights.
Saturday night my husband and I were meeting his brother and his brother's wife at a local Italian restaurant for dinner and then going to The Green Turtle for a class reunion of sorts. My brother and sister in law live in Colorado now so we were looking forward to the time with them before going and having to share them with friends. I looked up the restaurant on line and though I couldn't get nutrition information, did some research on Spark People in regards to eating Italian food out and made a game plan. I was going to eat linguine with mussels and a red sauce, skip the bread and have a light salad. I planned to eat half my meal and take the other half home. Unfortunately the restaurant had a 45 minute wait so we headed to The Green Turtle early and ate there. Now I had to figure out what to eat all over again. I didn't do too well. I did get a small sized sirloin, but then messed up by having it served with a creamy crab dip on top. I also did well with steamed broccoli on the side, but should have asked them to keep the mashed potatoes and brown gravy off my plate or asked for a tossed salad instead. After three glasses of wine, (where two should have been enough) I drank at least two very large glasses of water over the course of the rest of the evening. My evening cost me about 975 calories and put me 300 some calories over for the day.
Sunday afternoon my husband offered to take me to lunch after church, but I declined. I knew I had two more nights of eating out coming and just wanted to eat at home.
Monday evening I took my oldest daughter shopping to find accessories she needs for a wedding she's going to be in a week from Saturday. I thought maybe we would eat at the food court and I could get Chick-fil-a or Subway. I basically know what I can eat at those places. But she had been hoping we could eat at a sit down restaurant and relax a little before hitting the mall. We ended up a Red Robin. Most of their food seems to be high fat and high calorie. I kept looking at the menu and finally, at the last minute when the waiter came to get our order, I ordered the appetizer chicken quesadilla. It was very good and wasn't over filling, but when I got home to figure out the calories with their nutrition information I found I had eaten 1,073 calories putting me over by 257 calories!! I console myself, telling myself I walked up one end of that mall and down the other for almost two hours and had had a really good workout that morning. Maybe I would at least maintain my weight.
Last night we went out to dinner with my brother and sister in law again, this time with my Mom. They had wanted to see her while they were in town and Tuesday worked the best. This time I did have a little more control. I was the one who narrowed down our restaurant selections to Uno Chicago Grill or Long Horn Steak House. I looked at both menu selections and determined ahead of time to order salmon. I did much better but still ended up going over my daily limit, though this time only by 94 calories. I ordered the salmon (came with rice) and ordered their seasonal steamed fresh veggies and a salad with vinaigrette dressing. I ate a little of my salad, all my veggies and half my salmon and half my rice. I could have kept within my calories if I had either skipped the rice or... had not eaten the one piece of bread (with no butter) that I ate or had stuck to just one glass of wine. All in all, I feel much better about last night. I am learning!
Fortunately, I won't be eating out again for awhile.
I've eaten out at restaurants for dinner three of the past four nights.
Saturday night my husband and I were meeting his brother and his brother's wife at a local Italian restaurant for dinner and then going to The Green Turtle for a class reunion of sorts. My brother and sister in law live in Colorado now so we were looking forward to the time with them before going and having to share them with friends. I looked up the restaurant on line and though I couldn't get nutrition information, did some research on Spark People in regards to eating Italian food out and made a game plan. I was going to eat linguine with mussels and a red sauce, skip the bread and have a light salad. I planned to eat half my meal and take the other half home. Unfortunately the restaurant had a 45 minute wait so we headed to The Green Turtle early and ate there. Now I had to figure out what to eat all over again. I didn't do too well. I did get a small sized sirloin, but then messed up by having it served with a creamy crab dip on top. I also did well with steamed broccoli on the side, but should have asked them to keep the mashed potatoes and brown gravy off my plate or asked for a tossed salad instead. After three glasses of wine, (where two should have been enough) I drank at least two very large glasses of water over the course of the rest of the evening. My evening cost me about 975 calories and put me 300 some calories over for the day.
Sunday afternoon my husband offered to take me to lunch after church, but I declined. I knew I had two more nights of eating out coming and just wanted to eat at home.
Monday evening I took my oldest daughter shopping to find accessories she needs for a wedding she's going to be in a week from Saturday. I thought maybe we would eat at the food court and I could get Chick-fil-a or Subway. I basically know what I can eat at those places. But she had been hoping we could eat at a sit down restaurant and relax a little before hitting the mall. We ended up a Red Robin. Most of their food seems to be high fat and high calorie. I kept looking at the menu and finally, at the last minute when the waiter came to get our order, I ordered the appetizer chicken quesadilla. It was very good and wasn't over filling, but when I got home to figure out the calories with their nutrition information I found I had eaten 1,073 calories putting me over by 257 calories!! I console myself, telling myself I walked up one end of that mall and down the other for almost two hours and had had a really good workout that morning. Maybe I would at least maintain my weight.
Last night we went out to dinner with my brother and sister in law again, this time with my Mom. They had wanted to see her while they were in town and Tuesday worked the best. This time I did have a little more control. I was the one who narrowed down our restaurant selections to Uno Chicago Grill or Long Horn Steak House. I looked at both menu selections and determined ahead of time to order salmon. I did much better but still ended up going over my daily limit, though this time only by 94 calories. I ordered the salmon (came with rice) and ordered their seasonal steamed fresh veggies and a salad with vinaigrette dressing. I ate a little of my salad, all my veggies and half my salmon and half my rice. I could have kept within my calories if I had either skipped the rice or... had not eaten the one piece of bread (with no butter) that I ate or had stuck to just one glass of wine. All in all, I feel much better about last night. I am learning!
Fortunately, I won't be eating out again for awhile.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Weight Loss... A Mental Battle
I realized this morning how much of this life style change and weight loss is a mental battle. I've probably realized this before, but it hit me again this morning.
I went to 7-11 to get milk. As I'm driving there I suddenly find myself contemplating a chocolate donut. They have really good chocolate covered donuts at 7-11. I begin to tell myself that, NO, I don't want a chocolate donut. But yes I DO. My mouth/mind is wanting something SWEET.
I get there and try not to look at the donut case as I walk to the milk. I get my two gallons of 1% milk. I think, well, maybe a little something won't hurt if I can count the calories. So I go to the pastry section and start looking things over. I must have stood there for five minutes just staring at the different packages. What would be good and not too many calories? The Sarah Lee cheese danish? Not at over 500 calories! How about that cheese bear claw or the almond bear claw. The nutrition info is too small for me to read without my reading glasses. I put them down. How about a poptart? hmmmm, a package of two is a serving and is 430 calories. Well, If I bought two packages and brought them home to share with the three kids we would each have 215 calories. No, two of my girls are struggling with weight, I shouldn't encourage bad food. How about the hostess mini donuts? No, I don't want to eat a whole package for over 400 calories.
I sigh and walk to the check out counter. I am still craving something sweet. As if a final temptation to me, a cherry-cheese (one of my favorite combinations) bear claw is sitting on the counter among the bananas where someone left it. I make a decision. I grab a banana.
I realized as I drove home that if I was not tracking my food, I would have gotten a donut or a cheese danish. I wouldn't have considered calories or nutrition and would have convinced myself that just one wouldn't hurt. But because I am tracking my food and I knew I would have to count the calories, suddenly those calories weren't worth the brief satisfaction. I am going to a banquet tonight and I know there will be cake and I know I will probably have a small piece. I can't afford a 500 calorie indulgence this morning.
I ended up coming home and making some low fat chocolate milk to eat with my banana. That was 275 calories all together, I got a fruit and a dairy serving and my sweet craving was somewhat appeased.
This journey is a mental battle to change life long bad habits into new good habits that will be come the new lifelong habits. I appreciate www.Sparkpeople.com and the tools and "weapons" it provides to combat the bad habits and thought processes. At times, like this morning, I have the potential of being my own worst enemy on this journey. It feels good to have come out of this morning's skirmish as a victor.
One battle down... a life time of battles to go, but I can do it with the help of my God, my family, my friends and Sparkpeople!
I went to 7-11 to get milk. As I'm driving there I suddenly find myself contemplating a chocolate donut. They have really good chocolate covered donuts at 7-11. I begin to tell myself that, NO, I don't want a chocolate donut. But yes I DO. My mouth/mind is wanting something SWEET.
I get there and try not to look at the donut case as I walk to the milk. I get my two gallons of 1% milk. I think, well, maybe a little something won't hurt if I can count the calories. So I go to the pastry section and start looking things over. I must have stood there for five minutes just staring at the different packages. What would be good and not too many calories? The Sarah Lee cheese danish? Not at over 500 calories! How about that cheese bear claw or the almond bear claw. The nutrition info is too small for me to read without my reading glasses. I put them down. How about a poptart? hmmmm, a package of two is a serving and is 430 calories. Well, If I bought two packages and brought them home to share with the three kids we would each have 215 calories. No, two of my girls are struggling with weight, I shouldn't encourage bad food. How about the hostess mini donuts? No, I don't want to eat a whole package for over 400 calories.
I sigh and walk to the check out counter. I am still craving something sweet. As if a final temptation to me, a cherry-cheese (one of my favorite combinations) bear claw is sitting on the counter among the bananas where someone left it. I make a decision. I grab a banana.
I realized as I drove home that if I was not tracking my food, I would have gotten a donut or a cheese danish. I wouldn't have considered calories or nutrition and would have convinced myself that just one wouldn't hurt. But because I am tracking my food and I knew I would have to count the calories, suddenly those calories weren't worth the brief satisfaction. I am going to a banquet tonight and I know there will be cake and I know I will probably have a small piece. I can't afford a 500 calorie indulgence this morning.
I ended up coming home and making some low fat chocolate milk to eat with my banana. That was 275 calories all together, I got a fruit and a dairy serving and my sweet craving was somewhat appeased.
This journey is a mental battle to change life long bad habits into new good habits that will be come the new lifelong habits. I appreciate www.Sparkpeople.com and the tools and "weapons" it provides to combat the bad habits and thought processes. At times, like this morning, I have the potential of being my own worst enemy on this journey. It feels good to have come out of this morning's skirmish as a victor.
One battle down... a life time of battles to go, but I can do it with the help of my God, my family, my friends and Sparkpeople!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Beach Day
I'm heading to the beach today with my girls and two young women who are like nieces to me. We hope to get an early start and not get caught in too much traffic going over the bridge. I have mixed feelings about going. The temperature is supposed to be up to 100 degrees! I know it will be crowded and am wondering what parking will be like. I tried to talk the girls into going to a lake beach instead, but they really want to go to the ocean. I'm going to take cash to rent an umbrella because I just can't see myself sitting in the sun all day!
Rehoboth here we come!
Rehoboth here we come!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Psalm 42, because my soul and heart feel downcast
This verse keeps coming to mind, Psalm 42:5, Why are you downcast, O my soul?
So I looked up the rest of it:
Psalm 42
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me,
therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me –
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”
My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
So I looked up the rest of it:
Psalm 42
As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
My soul is downcast within me,
therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me –
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”
My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
checking in
I'm not getting to far with my cleaning. Seemed to need to sleep in late the last couple of mornings. I've realized that I had slipped back into drinking Diet Dr. Pepper with caffeine on a regular basis and that it was having a negative affect on me. I'm off to my mother's house in a little bit. I'm having lunch with her and my sister in law so we can plan our vacation that we're having together this summer. Maybe I'll manage to get something done this afternoon.
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