Maybe I should give up keeping a blog, but I won’t.
There is something inside me that doesn’t want to give up. I am a fairly inconsistent person when it comes to being regular and disciplined in life. I have recently come to realize that I am most likely an ADD attention type adult. I came to this conclusion after having two of my children diagnosed and began reading through books to help adults that have ADD. (My children were diagnosed at about 20 and 18 years old.)
At any rate, the thing inside me that won’t let me give up on eventually having a house with some amount of order, or being able to follow a home school schedule with some regularity, eventually keeping to an exercise program and eating healthy more consistently, to name a few... that same thing won’t let me give up on my blogs either. Giving up on my blogs would be like giving up on writing. I just can’t do that.
I’m taking some baby steps to become more consistent in life. I recently asked two friends if they would help me and then hold me accountable for de-cluttering my home and then keeping it maintained. Through my own efforts and by keeping my family involved they will hold me accountable from week to week regarding what we have done and what I can work on in between visits. I had to swallow a large dose of humble pie to contact them and ask for help. I offered them to barter something so I could repay them in some way, but they don’t want anything from me. They have a heart for ministry and true sisters in Christ; they just want to help me. They have been enthusiastic and encouraging in their response. We had our first cleaning session last week and I have to say they kept me moving and kept me from retreating to something easier to rid myself of that a knot in my stomach. (Unfortunately, when it comes to procrastination I can be fairly consistent.) The knot was there for a bit, but I just kept working with them and taking direction from them. When they left we had accomplished so much in the few hours they were there. They are coming again later this week and I have been determined not to lost ground and have been keeping after the kids so that we don’t lose the progress we made last week.
I am making baby steps towards success in my home. I am making baby steps in diet and exercise. I have been keeping focused on school and with just one child to teach, have managed some amount of regularity in our school. I need to make baby steps in writing more often.
One of the things that keeps me from writing more regularly is fear of putting something on the World Wide Web that is grammatically imperfect. Although I love to write, editing my own work has never been a strong point for me. I’m not a strong editor in general, and it’s not uncommon to miss your own mistakes in a piece of writing. One of my baby steps towards writing more often is letting go of the fear of imperfection and allowing myself room to grow. The fear is kind of silly to begin with, it’s not as though I have hundreds or even dozens or even a dozen readers! Who is going to see the mistakes?? Although it would be nice to have a small following of support to feel accountable to, in the meantime I’ll pretend to have regular readers.
So, hopefully and God willing I’ll be posting more often, even if only once a month in the beginning.
Baby steps.
